maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
