Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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