So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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