Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
