He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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