I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
