Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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