i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize