i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
