can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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