Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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