i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
