just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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