We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
