Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
