Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Randomize
