i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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