why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
