you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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