I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
