1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
wow bdsm is so cute
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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