it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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