I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
