My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
People in love make me want to vomit
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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