went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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