i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize