I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
