we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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