i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't put those talents on a resume
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
