very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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