I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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