There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
