If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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