She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
