So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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