Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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