i was born a porn star she said
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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