Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
