$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
