i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
