Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
