I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
