What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
