I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
