After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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