Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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