I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
