True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
