I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
