You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
