Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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