instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
