I am puke
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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