Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
