my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I need to stop coming to work sober
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize