I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He did a backflip because drugs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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