he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This house was built for laser tag.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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