On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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