I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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