I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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