@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
