My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
