cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
