it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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