I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
