My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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