Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
